


You're Not Alone

by Hissterically



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Bond Baby, Post TROS, Rey deals with Ben's death, ben's hand created life in her womb, broken Rey, expands on the stupid ending to make some sense of it thats in character, he poured a little too much life into her, rey on tatooine, thats the only way i'll accept his death, was inspired by My Immortal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:13:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22042375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hissterically/pseuds/Hissterically
Summary: It's been a few weeks since Rey arrived on Tatooine by the will of the Force. Life has been mundane on the farm except that visions of Ben haunt her every waking moment. She can't seem to let him go. She doesn't know if she wants to, but it's also driving her insane that his memory won't leave. Maybe she was meant to go mad here, all alone.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So can we all agree that we didn't like the ending?
> 
> Well this is my take of what happens afterwards. Basically I'm working out my angst through fic. Hopefully it gives you a little more insight as to why she made the choice to go back to Tatooine or take the Skywalker name. At least MY version of why she did that. Headcanons are the only way I can be even a tinge ok with what happened.

* * *

_“Rey…”_

She can’t stop them from coming. She dreams of his face every night. He haunts her dreams just as he once haunted her visions for over a year. Constantly reaching across the void to touch her mind. But this time she knows he’s not real. At least not in the same sense he used to be. 

Rey wishes she could make the dreams stop. Stop seeing the life drain from his face. That toothy smile fade to blue lips. Those lips that she had just caressed with her own in a desperate, needy hunger. Wanting to consume all of him. All of _Ben_. 

He gave her the belonging she’s craved her whole life, and she found it too late. She’s realized that it was never her parents that could give it to her. Rey suspects that she’s known since she watched all of those children on Pasaana, right before he appeared. Her parents gave her a place of knowing where she came from, that she was loved. Ben gave her a sense of knowing where she could go. That she could still be loved. That one day she could create her own family and they could do better than their parents.

But now that’s gone. And it’s because of her. 

Rey knows it’s selfish, that she would do anything to have him beside her when he willingly gave up his life for hers. She knows he’d want her to move on. If he were here he’d tell her to get off the bed and do something. To _live_. 

Since when has he ever been able to order her around?

But he’s not here. 

She gets up from the little bed, walks up the stairs, and ventures out of the little house into the cold early morning air. It’s still dark, but she couldn’t stay in that home one more second. It gets too stifling at times. Times when she’s surrounded by the ghosts it holds within its walls. 

A shiver runs through her spin so she clutches tighter to his sweater around her. The one that was left behind when his body disappeared in front of her eyes. Her only possession of his. 

She doesn’t know where he went, but she’s certain his soul hasn’t become one with the Force. If it had she knows he would’ve appeared by now as Luke and Leia have. He’d be here to tell her he’s at peace and she should move on. 

But yet he is here. 

He’s _always_ here.

_Every waking moment._ His presence drives her mad. It won’t leave her alone. So close but yet so far out of her reach. He’s like a ghost following her around day to day, minute to minute. Over the few weeks here she often finds herself turning around as if he’ll be standing there. But he’s not. It’s just the wind against her back playing tricks with her.

_“Rey…”_

She hastily whips around, heart beating through her chest. She tells herself she’s crazy, that nothing’s there, but he just feels so close sometimes. Almost as if she can reach out and he’ll materialize in front of her. 

Before she realizes it, Rey finds herself speaking aloud to someone who isn’t there. She's had enough of the games.

“Why?” She whispers to the wind, her voice cracking.

“Why must you torture me like this?” Tears flood the corners of her eyes, her body softly beginning to tremble. “Was leaving me alone not enough? Now you have to haunt me too?” 

Rey feels the anger building up deep down in the pit of her stomach. The storm of her emotions brewing in a way they haven’t in a long time. 

“You told me I wasn’t alone once. Do you remember that?” She’s not surprised when there’s no answer, but continues despite it. “And I thought that neither of us would ever have to be alone again.” 

Her voice gets louder as her emotions bubble out through every pore. To an outsider she probably sounds like a crazy woman, yelling to the wind, but she doesn’t care. She cares less and less about anything every day she’s without him.

“And then you left me. _You selfish bastard._ You left me, but now you won’t leave me alone.”

Rey subconsciously grabs on tighter to his sweater without realizing it. She’s become blinded with her emotions. The Force starts to swirl around her, the wind picking up. The sand whips into her legs like pin pricks, but she doesn’t feel it. She’s too focused yelling to a ghost. 

“Leave!” She rips and pulls at the sweater around her torso, the stitches tugging on each other around the hole she created from his own saber. “Leave me alone! Can’t you see I don’t want you here anymore?”

Her voice becomes strained from yelling, but she doesn’t let up. Weeks of frustrations overflow out of her like a pot that’s boiling over. The Force bursting out of her, a tornado of emotions that nothing can stop.

“JUST LEAVE! EVERYTHING WOULD BE EASIER IF YOU WEREN’T HERE! I WANT YOU GONE! LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE YOU!”

_Rrrrrrrriiiiiippppp_

The sound stops her in her tracks. Looking down she sees that she has torn his sweater down the middle. The presence she felt moments ago has vanished and she’s left with nothing but coldness. The storm around her comes to a stake halt, sand settling back on the desert floor. Rey falls to her knees, clutching the sweater tightly around her torso. “No no no… I’m sorry,” she sobs. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it...”

She closes her eyes tightly, her hands softly caressing the fabric. Caressing all that’s left of Ben. 

“Be with me.” Whispering to the air, tears begin to fall delicately down her cheeks onto the black cotton. “ _Please be with me._ ” Her pleas fall mute to the wind, but the presence seems to have filled her mind once more.

_“I am,"_ the voice in her mind whispers softly.

And he is. 

One of her hands drifts from the torn hole down to her lower stomach. It’s barely there, but she can already sense a tiny ball of light forming, becoming stronger every day. She feels that tiny spark inside her and she knows in a way he’s still with her. That he’ll always be with her. His body may have left this plane of existence, but somehow he seems to have left a piece of himself behind. She focuses on that spark to control her breathing and calm herself down from the storm inside herself.

The tendril brushes against her mind. _“You’re not alone.”_

As if through magic, she feels warmth spread through her hand into her stomach, almost as if a hand was placed on top of her own. Taking in a shaky breath she leans into the slight comfort the feeling brings. At this moment she doesn’t care if it’s real or just her own imagination. All she cares about is that she feels him. For the first time since she arrived, she lets his presence fill the room and her body. She doesn’t squander or run away from it. She lets it manifest as it wants. And for the first time, she doesn’t feel as alone. 

That ball of light starts to swell inside her, almost as if it can also feel his presence. It seems to dance with happiness, giving her hope that she hasn’t felt since she lost him. 

Rey can’t help it, but she lets out a shaky laugh. Reaching her other hand up, she pulls the ties holding her buns in place. Hair cascades down her back in waves like it was that fateful night when she first saw Ben Solo. Really truly saw who he was underneath the facade of Kylo Ren. And in turn, she let him in to see all her fears and wants. It seems so long ago now, that night on Ahch-To in her hut. If she focuses hard enough she can still feel the sensation of his rough fingertips against hers. She can’t help thinking what his fingertips would’ve felt like all over her body. She wonders if her little ball of light will have those same hands one day. Strong and hardened from the life he led, or would they be more delicate like hers?

A whirring noise shakes her from her thoughts. Looking up, she realizes the twin suns have begun to rise above the horizon, their rays bringing the solar powered vaporators to life after a long night. Her and BB-8 have gotten the moisture farm back in working order since they arrived, Rey needing something to do to keep herself busy. To keep her mind off of things. Off of _him_. She slowly rises from the ground, her legs unsteady from resting on them for so long in her daze. 

She doesn’t know the reason yet, but the Force called her here. Back to Luke’s old home. No one was keen on her going alone, especially Finn, but she knew this was a journey for her and for her only. Poe lent her BB-8 and a commlink and wished her good luck. She hopped on the Falcon and was gone by morning. Rey remembers that she didn't let herself cry until she was safely alone in her bunk. Didn't want her friends to know just how badly she's handling all of this. They can't know she cried for _Kylo Ren_.

It baffles her as to why the Force led her to this place. A place that’s filled with such horrible memories for the family that she’s trying to honor. So much horror has been spilled on this sand. But yet she knows she’s not to leave. Not right now. She has a purpose here and she needs to find out what that is. Perhaps it’s to bring happiness back to a place that has haunted the Skywalkers for generations. Luke must’ve had a happy childhood here once, all those years ago. Maybe her purpose is to bring that back again with her spark of light. Make right of all the wrong that happened here.

The old woman asked who she was her first day here. It was such an odd question, it caught her off guard for a moment. She hadn’t had a moment to think of who she was, who she wanted to be. She could never accept that vile name. So much horror and suffering was caused at his hands. Then she felt Luke and Leia with her. She said the name Skywalker because it was too painful to say the name she truly wanted. The one name she can never have. At least right now. Maybe one day when the pain lessens. One day when the name Skywalker is nothing but a myth. One when she feels close enough to him to take the name Solo.

His soul caresses her mind one more time, before the world settles down to an ordinary morning on the desert planet. The sand beneath her feet is beginning to warm from the suns’ rays beating down, making her body heat up from the cold night air. Looking off into the sun rise she imagines him standing there. She believes that one day his spirit will finally become one with the Force and he’ll find his way to her. Rey doesn’t know where he could be, but she knows now that wherever his soul is, he’s fighting his way to reach her. Even if it’s just little bits at a time. Their bond crossed the galaxy before. She knows it’ll cross whatever is in between them now. 

At least, she has to believe. It’s the only thing that brings her solace in this place. If she didn’t have hope that one day they’ll be reunited, she’d go mad. That is, if she hasn’t already. Maybe she has. Maybe all of it has just been her imagination. 

_“Fight.”_

_“Survive.”_

_“_ **_Live, Rey_** _.”_

And for him she will. She has no other choice. She’ll live the life she’s knows Ben would want her to have. She’ll live for the spark of light growing brighter inside her every day. So that it’ll never know a day of sadness. Never know a childhood like either of the ones her or Ben had. The feeling of being abandoned by your parents. That you were unloved and alone. She vows to herself, to the Force, and especially to Ben that her little light will never know how it feels to be alone. 

She’ll tell them all about Ben. About who he truly was when it mattered the most. How Ben Solo came back for her. How he sacrificed his life for hers because he believed she deserved to live. That he created something so pure during his sacrifice. Something he’ll never get to hold in his own arms. But she knows he wouldn’t change it. He’d give his life for hers every time. His act of unconditional love poured life from every fiber of his being into her soul and body. 

Sidious’ words come back to her suddenly.

_The life force of your bond… a power like life itself_.

He had used it to heal his form to its original self, but the Force had other plans for their dyad. She just never thought it would be like this. His manipulation of it was for something so twisted and dark. But Ben took it and unintentionally created life. At first in her blind anger, she saw it as something selfish. That he didn’t want to live in a world without her. So instead he made her live without him. But it wasn’t. He didn’t use it for his own selfish gain. It’s the most selfless thing he’s ever done.

Her hand subconsciously strokes the skin that’s exposed from the tear in his sweater. The tear that she created in her anger. The touch tingles, almost transferring energy between her and the light inside her. It glowing brighter with her contact.

Rey smiles softly to herself. The presence that seemed to be just in her mind has spread outward surrounding her in hope. The Force coming alive on the dead, forgotten planet. “It’s alright, little Starfighter. I’m here.” She rubs tiny circles, the light bubbling over with joy. 

“A wise man once said no one’s ever really gone. I believe that.” Her mind drifts to Luke’s teachings as well as his failings. She won’t give up on Ben. Not for one second. After all, he was named after hope.

“We’ll find him… One day. He’ll come back to us. I know he will.” 


	2. Chapter 2

After breakfast Rey busies herself by mending the tear she ripped into his sweater. She hasn’t found the strength in her to wash it yet, wanting to keep his scent with her as long as possible because she knows the moment soap touches it she’ll never get to smell him again. Smell his musk from running through the caverns to save her. His scent is the only thing that calms her down since her time on Tatooine.

Menial tasks such as these keep her mind occupied during most of her days here. The less things she has to do, the more of a downward spiral she goes into. It’s not the healthiest coping mechanism, but she’s always been fairly good at distracting herself from her true emotions. Always keeping busy so she doesn’t wallow in her increasing loneliness. It’s a skill she picked up from her time on Jakku.

The light in her stomach flutters, stopping her from falling into despair again. It’s a constant reminder that she won’t ever be alone again. That a piece of Ben will always be with her. 

Her hands come down from her stitching to rest on her stomach. “Sorry, little one,” she speaks ever so gently. “It’s going to take a while to get used to you being here. You’ll have to be patient with me.”

She remembers the exact moment she knew. It all started with a feeling. The first few weeks after Exegol and the end of the war all happened in a blur. Emotions shrouded her, making her a shell of a person. There were so many negotiations that she just wasn’t keen on being apart of. Coming to Tatooine took her out of the stupor, but not for long. She fell into a rhythm of fixing the moisture farm and not doing much else. She doesn’t venture into town to meet with the other locals often unless it’s for supplies, so she spends most of her days in the homestead.

One day she just felt it. That slight tingle in the depth of her stomach. She doesn’t know how, but she knew exactly what it meant. It was like one day it wasn’t there and the next it was. The ball of light growing each day. Deep within her mind, the Force was telling her what had happened. That Ben left more life force in her than anticipated. 

It almost makes her laugh at how ridiculous it all sounds. That Ben created a new life while resurrecting her from the dead. The Force surely is a mystical thing indeed. It doesn’t give you what you want sometimes, but gives you what you need. It knows your destiny outside of time, and it must be her destiny to bear the next in the Skywalker family. To carry on Ben’s bloodline. 

Rey worries if she’ll do them justice. 

After all, she never had a mother, not really. She doesn’t know how to be one. During her time on Jakku she saw few pregnancies from the other scavenger women. All of them wearing the women down until there was almost nothing left. Motherhood and scavenging didn’t mix. It wasn’t possible to continue working after a certain point and most would go hungry or very close to if they had someone helping. While she still lived on Jakku, Rey vowed to never have children. To never bring a child into a world like that, fighting every day just to eat a measly half portion. Even the women who did bear children only ever had one. 

She wouldn’t know the first thing about how to be a mother. Her mother died trying to protect her as a child and Leia only was with her for a year. How is she supposed to know what to do without anyone teaching her how?

“You just know.”

Rey whips around. “Leia.”

“You’re strong, Rey. Once you see your child you just know. And you’ll learn from our mistakes.” Leia’s force ghost looks lovingly down at the young woman knowing too well how scary impending motherhood can be.

Rey looks pitifully at the woman who cared for her like a daughter. “How am I supposed to do it without him? I can barely take care of myself right now.” 

Leia reaches up as if to stroke the girl’s cheek. “You’re not alone, Rey. I will always be here to help you should you need it. As will Luke and the Jedi. Maker knows your child will be strong with the Force. Runs in the family if you can’t tell.”

Her slight joke at her own expense makes Rey laugh a little. With the blood of a Skywalker and a Palpatine strong her little light is bound to be. The very thought of raising a Force sensitive child terrifies her. She only knows what she’s read in the Jedi texts. 

“And you know, he’s always going to be with you.” 

The General’s words make her sober up. “I know. He’s told me.”

“Told you? But none of us have sensed him in this side of the Force.” Leia looks confused at the girl’s revelation.

“In addition to his child, your son seems to be residing in my mind somehow. Or not. I think the bond I have with Ben is keeping us connected no matter where we are in the Force.” Rey gets this determined look on her face. “It’s like I can still hear him sometimes, as if he’s reaching out for me. And then other times, I swear to you, it’s like he’s right out of my reach.”

She looks at Leia who’s brow is furrowed in thought. “You probably think I’m crazy.” 

“No, dear. Never crazy. If I’ve learned anything about the Force over my years, it’s that we’ll never begin to fathom just all that it can do.”

The specter of the woman she used to know brings her hand up by Rey’s cheek as if to cup it and for a second Rey imagines she can actually feel it. The phantom sensation gives her a little comfort. 

Leia looks down with a knowing smile. “We’ll keep a lookout on this side if that will give you comfort. I’ll make sure everyone is keeping their minds open to the Force to see if anyone can sense where he might be if you really do believe he’s somewhere. One of us is bound to find something out.”

Rey smiles gratefully. “That would mean a lot. There’s just something about it that doesn’t add up in my mind. He feels so close yet so far. If he truly became one with the Force he would be here, just like you and Luke. I have to believe that.”

Her old master gives Rey a pointed look. “It must be something strong if it can keep my son away from you. I agree that if he had the choice he’d no doubt be here with you.”

Rey blushes lightly, wanting Leia to stop looking at her like that. “Thank you, Leia. For the reassurance. And the promise.”

“It’s no problem, my dear. Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself, if not for you, then for my grandchild. I’ve waited thirty years for this moment.” Her eyes light up as she teases Rey.

Rey lets out a small chuckle. It feels refreshing to laugh after so long on Tatooine of being numb day after day. “I promise.” 

She watches as the apparition dissipates in front of her eyes. It’s still taking her a while to get used to the fact that they can convene with her whenever they feel like it. Though it is comforting to know that they’ll always show up when she needs them. 

After rubbing her hand across her torso one more time, she gets back to work with repairing the torn sweater. “Alright, little light, let’s fix this up.”

As she sews, Rey feels a lingering presence behind her, almost as if someone if leaning up against her back rubbing her arms tenderly. She takes a deep breath and instead of fighting the feeling she lets it fill her mind, sinking into the sensations and comfort the feeling brings. 

_ “I’m here, Rey…”  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylosroboarm on tumblr  
> hissterically on twitter

**Author's Note:**

> kylosroboarm on tumblr
> 
> @hissterically on twitter


End file.
